WHY?

And so it begins........

"why mommy why"

Until now Kaylee has not asked the question "why." She has not discovered the meaning of why. People (aka uncle john and daddy) always ask Kaylee why she did something and she looks at them like they are speaking chinese and she says "uh-huh." I tell them that she doesnt know what that word means yet. But now I think she is one step closer to learning the meaning of the word, well at least how to correctly use it. And this mommy ain't to happy about it! I dont know if i will be able to handle the "why this" "why that" and "but mommy WHYYYYY" five hundred thousand times a day! And the reason why I KNOW that it will be five hundred thousand times every single day is because I remember asking "why" five hundred thousand times a day. Please please help me keep my sanity when it comes to that question.

On another note-
I've been pretty bummed lately......as most of you know I am a HUGE believer in breastfeeding. It is all around the best thing for momma and baby. I wont get in to all the benefits of nursing but I will say that I am a huge fan! With all that said it is pretty heartbreaking to a momma like myself when she is no longer able to provide for her child (and by provide i totally mean food-wise). I remember when Kaylee starting eating solids, I was SUPER excited to start a new chapter in her life and then i sat back and thought about it and I was sorta sad that I was not her primary means of nourishment anymore, and it was just one more reminder that she was growing up. And now with Ainslee, starting solids a good 2 months before her big sis, I am forced to realize the truth of her growing up much sooner than I would have liked. I started Ainslee sooner because I just felt like she was still hungry, now we are up to eating 2 meals of solids a day instead of 1. And now I cant figure out which came first the chicken or the egg! The chicken being me making enough milk for ainslee and the egg being me feeding her solids. OKAY that sounds really confusing, but did my "milk man" (as my friend Katie calls it) go away before the solids were introduced, which is why I started her. Or did it go away because I was not nursing her as often, therefore my "milk man" tries to adjust to the new schedule?

As dedicated as I am to nursing my children for the entire first year of their life, it has proven to be one of the most difficult things I have EVER tried to accomplish. For me it basically means that I am limited to only being away from her for no more than one bottle at a time, being pretty much the soul "putter to bedder", the soul "waker upper in the middle of the nighter", among many other sacrifices. But I am definietly willing to make those sacrifices for my children. I am not trying to complain about the responsibilty, I guess I am just venting, and asking WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY(here i go asking the quesiton I am begging my child NOT to ask) on top of all the other challenges that come with nursing do I have to deal with a LOW MILK SUPPLY??? I am hoping that all the things I am doing to prevent a complete breakdown of my supply start working, because if something doesnt happen fast, and I mean REAL fast, then this momma is going to spiral into some form of craziness that is going to be so sad for everyone around her that has to deal with her!

Ok sorry if you felt like I was screaming at you, i just had to get that off my chest, and I am sure that Marcus is incredibly greatful that i got it off my chest on here rather than on him!

side note: as much of an advocate of breastfeeding I am, I do believe that it is not for everyone. I do not think that women who dont nurse their children are bad mommas! Please dont take that the wrong way!