The morning of Wednesday, April 2nd, 2014 will be one I never forget! I
had been anticipating this moment for months (even years). I didn't know
quite how it would turn out, I had played it over and over in my head
and "planned" how I wanted certain things, but it turned out even better
than I could ever have imagined. To say that it was perfect would be an
understatement. God was definitely in control and the stars were aligned
that morning.
It started the night before, I had trouble getting kaylee to bed, so I let her sleep in our bed. I had a funny feeling that she was trying to get closer to me because she knew that it was "baby night" as she and Ainslee called it. So off to bed we went and at 4:09 I awoke with the overwhelming feeling of pressure down low. I laid there for a minute desperately trying to remember how I knew it was the "real" thing with Brynlee because I remember just KNOWING that was the day. Here is what my conversation with Marcus looked like next (notice the times)
We started filling the pool with water about 4:50, I called Lynda (my midwife) to let her know my progress. she asked "how far apart are they?" When I told her about 8 minutes she asked if she should come now. I sort of fumbled with my words and Marcus, very assertively said from the other room "last time when you were 8 min apart we had a baby in an hour." she said she heard Marcus and then said "we are on the way." I continued to time my contractions, pacing the house trying to figure out what I needed to do next. Then I felt like I needed to try and slow things down, they were moving too quick, so I tried getting in the polar bear pose to take the pressure off. That only lasted a few seconds before I felt like it was time to wake kaylee. I struggled to get her up, and then continued to pace the house bracing myself with the counter whenever a contraction came. I noticed my contractions jumped from 8 minutes apart to 3 minutes. I called Lynda back to tell her and she assured me they were close and coming as quickly as possible. The moment Marcus announced the pool was full I told him I needed to get in. His response was "NOW??!" So I climbed in and my immediate reaction was "oh my gosh this feels SO NICE!" I tried to get comfortable as I awaited the next contraction. The first contraction that came while in the water was way different. I felt the pressure, but it felt different. It was like the pressure was released into the water instead of building up in me, if that makes any sense. At some point Marcus sent kaylee in to wake up Ainslee, I just can't remember exactly when that was in the timeline. So I'm in the pool and a few contractions came, and then I let out a scream I felt the urge to push, so I did and I could feel my water break like a big balloon under the water. I was so relieved, one of my biggest fears/concerns was were my water would break. I told Marcus what happened and he called Lynda back again, she told him how far away she was and he told her what happened. Next thing I know they came barging in the front door, drop their bags, and got the fetal heart monitor out to check on the baby. Next thing I know Lynda was telling me that I needed to move away from the wall of the pool because the baby would have no where to go when it came out, so I crawled to the other edge of the pool when I felt the next urge to push. I had 2 contractions close together and that was when he was born. Lynda and Marcus were there to catch him as he came into this world. I had envisioned me getting to be the one to lift my baby out of the water, I imagined how magical it would be to watch him take his first breath. But alas my plan was not meant to be, and looking back on it I am so thankful that Marcus was able to be the one to lift him up and announce his gender, especially since he is our first (and most likely only) boy. Lynda quickly handed him to me and while I sat there in total awe of my beautiful baby all I could think was "I can't believe I have a son!"
(ignore the picture, and just listen to the sound)
I knew the entire pregnancy he was a boy but even now I still have trouble wrapping my brain around it. I get so excited when I think of all the fun things to come. I'm thrilled at the opportunity to experience what it will be like to raise daughters AND a son! Each day I fall more and more in love with him! He is more perfect than I ever could imagine and he has been the best and easiest baby so far.
After I delivered him there was no suctioning. There were no interventions. I was allowed to sit peacefully as long as I wanted, just holding and staring at him. After a few minutes of him not crying Lynda gently came over and began rubbing his feet to get him to let out a big cry to clear his lungs. And he did! We waited and waited for me to deliver the placenta before resorting to me getting out of the pool. I was helped out by Lynda and Penny (her assistant) and laid down on the couch. I had attempted nursing in the pool to try and help the placenta along and then again after I got out. Unfortunately the placenta was not budging. Now I believe the reason why I had trouble was because I pulled an oblique muscle (muscle in the side of my abdomen) and was unable to push. Thankfully with a little help from Lynda I was able to deliver the placenta about an hour after his birth and all went smoothly. Ainslee was much more interested and involved than I ever imagined, while Kaylee surprised me by not being involved; she was more interested in Ryan. After the placenta I was able to get up and get cleaned up. Lynda did the newborn assessment on Ryan with the girls right there to watch. She examined the placenta to make sure everything looked ok, and even gave the girls a little lesson. Since I had talked at great lengths about the birth process with the girls they were very interested in that part. So Lynda let them put on gloves and touch the placenta as well as ask questions about everything. I know this isn't for everyone but I couldn't be more happy with how his birthday played out! It was PERFECT!
In the days following his birth I was able to recuperate in my own home, thankfully I had the help of lots of visitors as well as Marcus; who stepped up to the plate big time! He was amazing letting me sleep in every morning, dealing with my raging hormones, taking care of the girls, and keeping the house mostly cleaned and picked up. I do think that I over did it the first couple of days just because I can't stand being slowed down. When I see something that needs to be done I want to get up and do it immediately. Which in turn was the reason why my recovery turned out to be even more difficult than just dealing with the pulled oblique. I ended up straining my adductor muscles in both legs (muscles on the inside of your thighs). This was extremely painful, mostly at night when attempting to move/roll over. But as far as the recovery from the actual birth and all that goes with it, that was easy and only lasted about 1/2 as long as my other births.
This is the last shot of me pregnant,
I said I wanted to do this with each pregnancy and never did.
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Ive had that post written for just about 3 months, im not quite sure why I never posted it. But SOOOOO much has happened since then, I guess I'll go ahead and update it on here.
The biggest update I have is one of the most upsetting things for me to think/talk about. Ryan stopped nursing. He stopped just after he turned 2 months old. I never thought this would/could happen to me. Ive never had a big problem nursing the girls, an occasional clogged duct and that's about it. But he hadn't been latching good, he was a fussy/gassy baby, he didn't eat good, he didn't sleep good, he cried and acted like he was in pain all the time. I finally gave in when I noticed he only gained a few ounces in 5 weeks. Im not a firm believer in growth charts and all that, but I knew something was wrong and that just confirmed it. I decided to ask my midwife for help. Within hours she and a lactation consultant were at my house trying to help. After many failed attempts the LC decided to try and give him a bottle to calm him and get him a little satisfied, and then try to nurse him again. So I pumped 2 ounces, she fed it to him. I think he drank it in 29 seconds and about 10 gulps. He was STARVING! I tried nursing again and he got so frustrated and refused to latch. So I pumped more and he took it from the bottle. I tried nursing again and still he wouldn't latch. And from that day on he has only nursed a handful of times and not for very long. It took me a long time to accept our new routine. In fact im still adjusting. Ive never had a bottle baby. I feel like it was all my fault, I could've done so many things differently. I cant provide for my child. I feel like a failure. it pains me to see other moms nursing their babies. I WANT to nurse him, and I just cant. Im still pumping, but Im only getting about 1/2 of what he eat in a day. Pumping is hard and painful, and time consuming. The little chunk wants to eat SO much! I know that this is what is best for him. He is such a different baby now. He sleeps, hes happy, he talks and coos, he doesn't scream in the car, and hes not in pain! He gained 8oz in just 5 days. he barely gained 1/2 that in the 5 weeks before.
So now he is on bottles full time. He will nurse a few times a week, but never to eat, mostly just for comfort. I used to have high hopes that I could pump long enough to maybe get him back on the breast full time, but alas as the days and weeks pass the less and less I think that will ever happen. I try to focus on the positives. Having a bottle baby is so much more freeing for me. I can leave him much earlier than I could with the girls. But the lack of bonding just kills me.
I am so thankful for the support of marcus and my midwife and the LC. Now my little guy weighs over 14lbs. he has gained about 3lbs in the month since starting bottles. and he SLEEPS, and is so happy! We have continued chiropractic care to try and help relieve the tension and possibly help get him to latch again.
Here's my little man so far....
To say this little man is loved is an understatement. I wish could describe how sweet and adoring his sisters are to him. They love him beyond words......and so do I!!!
