cutie patootie
pretty smile
Obviously she found something that was hilarious
So serious
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Grandma
The beloved matriarch of our family as finally made it home. At the ripe old age of 95 (and 18 days) she was finally able to find the peace she had been searching for.
My grandmother has always been an influential figure in my life. I can hardly put into words the kind of person she was. She had such a kind and gentle soul. She never spoke unkindly about anyone. She was ever so humble and thoughtful. She was the leader of our family, our source of inspiration of faith and love. And she was as sharp as a tack until the day she died, and lived alone without assistance until a few months before her death. I want this post to be a way I can remember and memorialize the woman I loved so dearly!
When we would venture up to St Louis which was between 3 and 6 times a year my top priority was visiting grandma. If the time frame would allow it I would visit as much as possible each trip. I enjoyed listening to her talk. We could sit there for hours just talking. She would catch me up on all the family who was where doing whatever. She was the center of the family!
I have known for, well, forever that she was going to eventually die. Its just a fact of life you live and you die. But it was strange when it became closer to the end, my brain could not understand what was happening, I couldnt imagine going to St Louis and not seeing her. I knew it was going to happen, but I learned that you can never be prepared for someone so close to you to die. It has been quite an experience not only for myself but for my family as well. When I say family I mean my brothers, sister, and parents, as well as my own little family, but also my entire extended family.
Back in August or September of last year my grandmother fell and broke her hip. She required surgery and hospitalization as well as extensive therapy afterwards. She took it much like she has everything in her life, just an obstacle she has to overcome. And she did! She got through therapy and was able to move back home. She spent her last Christmas surrounded by family in her own apartment, living (for the most part) on her own, with the help of nurses who would come and go, I believe 24 hours a day. Sadly I was not able to spend this precious time with her or the family. Then in January she fell again which landed her back in the hospital where more tests were run and they found cancer, colon cancer to be exact. My grandmother made her decision LONG ago that she did not want medical intervention when the time came for her. In fact, I clearly remember finding her letters stating this scattered throughout her house. I questioned her about them and even attempted to get rid of them a time or too. I didn't like the idea of my grandmother just "giving up". I was young and naïve, and looking back I see the reasoning behind her wishes. But it was hard at a young age to accept her wishes. I was shocked to hear that she agreed to the radiation treatment for her cancer, which by the way doctors had determined had been there for YEARS. So she underwent 2 rounds of radiation just days before her 95th birthday. After speaking with my cousin I learned some of the things she said to him prior to her treatment. My cousin was trying to calm her fears about the treatment when grandma said "I just don't know how they are going to radiate my butt?" my cousin said "well grandma I'm sure they've done it many times before and have figured out the best way." grandma said "I don't know what the treatment will entail" then she laughed and said "I didn't mean that, enTAIL!" she always had a sense of humor! Then my cousin said "grandma I want to make a deal with you. You pray for me while you are up in heaven and I will pray for you while I am down here." grandma agreed to the plan but told him "first I have to ask God a few questions." curiously my cousin asked what her questions could possibly be. My grandma said "I want to ask him what took so long and if he forgot about me!" my cousin chuckled and ensured her that God had a plan for her and there was NO WAY he could have forgotten about her. They went on to discuss what His plan could possibly be.
A few weeks ago my grandmother turned 95 on groundhogs day. I wanted to make the trip to see her for her BIG day, but I knew I couldn't do it alone. So my mom drove up with me and my dad went up a day early in his car and we were able to spend her birthday with her in the hospital. It was a special time, I got to talk with grandma, introduce her to her newest great grand daughter, and listen to what she had to say, and she had a lot to say! What I loved most was seeing how proud she was of Brynlee, she was introducing her to every nurse who came in, and telling them about Kaylee and Ainslee too, it was so sweet. Once again I learned one reason God gave me Brynlee, she has been a source of healing for my heart on more than one occasion. Grandma also told me her fears and the thing that stuck out in my mind was when she said "95 is too old, no one should HAVE to live that long." I didn't want her to have any regrets or fears. I wanted her to be at peace. Even though our trip was short (a mere 35 hours from leaving my moms driveway and arriving in ours), I was EVER so thankful to have spent that special day with my grandma. I was so thankful for all who made the trip possible too, my mom who rode with us in the car and my friend Lindley who not only offered up her house but also kept the big girls for me so I could go to the hospital by myself with out the distractions.
This past weekend we were scheduled to go BACK to St Louis for my mom's side family reunion. Instead of spending the majority of the time with that side of the family it ended up that we were able to spend it all with grandma and my dad's side. We were up at my grandma's nursing home (where she went after being discharged from the hospital) for a total of around 15 hours this weekend. And all three girls were there the entire time with us. At first I thought this would be an impossible feat, and when it was over and I looked back on how long we were actually there I couldnt believe it was that long. The girls were AMAZINGLY well behaved while we were there for hours at a time. I would get to sit by my grandmother's bedside and hold her hand and talk with her. Or when she was sleeping my family and I would sit in her room and just talk. It was so therapeutic and healing for my soul. There were MANY tears shed and stories told and it was an awesome experience. The adults took turns taking care of the SIX little girls (there were 6 girls under six all 2nd cousins once removed).
Grandma wasnt awake for much of the weekend but when she was awake, the memories that were made will stay with me for forever! After a very busy Saturday where there were lots of visitors grandma said to one of her children "please no more parties." Im sure she knew we were all there, and I cant imagine the feeling of knowing you have visitors but not being able to actually visit. I couldnt help but notice that our family was practically the only visitors in the nursing home, most of the people sat in their rooms by themselves, and I remember thinking how strong our family is and how we all wanted to be there for grandma, and the reason was because she made us that way! She was so special, and she brought us all together. With family around her until the moment she died, sometimes there were 15+ people there just to visit her! I just know she left this world understanding just how much she was loved!
Also, on Saturday my dad and his siblings were sitting around the room talking about recipes while my grandmother slept. One of my uncles starting telling this new pork chop recipe when my grandma woke up and started reciting a family pork chop recipe as clear as day. My aunt and uncles were amazed, it was like she was participating in the conversation too. Also, Saturday holds one of the most special moments I have ever shared with my grandma, I was telling her goodbye before I was leaving to go to the family reunion. I went over to her, kissed her forehead, grabbed her hand, and said "goodbye grandma, I will be back tomorrow." She opened her eyes, looked straight at me and said "NO! I want Michele and Marcus." She asked for us by name and wanted us to stay by her bedside. I broke down crying and sat there holding her hand. She would open her eyes every now and then and just look at me. She spoke some asking me quesitons and telling me things. I was so very emotional I dont remember a whole lot of what was said. I do remember her asking in fact begging me "Michele please please please take me home!" I knew what she meant, and I just wept, i wanted her pain to go away. And in that moment I realized that any moment could be her last, and I became fearful. I didnt want to leave her side but I was scared if the time came that I would be the one holding her hand, I didnt think my heart could handle that. So Marcus and i sat by her bedside just being with her. I have never had a feeling like that. While we were sitting there the girls would come and go. Kaylee was very concerned by my emotional state. She was hugging me, bringing me tissues, and rubbing my back. She spoke so softly and you could see the compassion pouring from her eyes. Then she turned to me and asked "can I hold great grandma's hand too?"
And she did, she sat there and rubbed her hand and talked to her. Grandma would open her eyes and look at her too. Kaylee grew up a LOT this past weekend. She showed wisdom and compassion well beyond her years. I would sit and watch her as she tried to figure out what exaclty was happening. I tried to talk with her in the best way I knew how. And she knew, she knew that something wasnt right, she knew that I needed her to behave, she knew that I needed to grieve, she knew that I needed to spend that time with my grandma even if it meant that I didnt pay much (if any) attention to her. And i am so thankful for my big girl, and I hope that one day she will understand what happened and how happy she made her mommy in a time of sadness. Then when Ainslee said "mommy that's not the same great grandma." That was the final straw for me. I had to leave the room for a few minutes to regroup myself.
I cant even begin to document all that went on this weekend, but I hope that those memories live in my heart until the day I go to meet my grandma again. There are so many memories that have come flooding back in the days since her death and through my tears I have tried to share these memories with the girls, who sit there staring at me while I tell my stories. What I remember most are the Easter breaks we spent at her house, hiding/hunting eggs in her yard. I remember at Christmas time I would always put on a performance singing Away in a Manger and actually when I visited grandma in the hospital for her birthday she recalled such memories and actually sang the song to me! I remember playing pool on her bumper pool table in her basement as well as putting giant 1000 piece puzzles together down there. The kind that whoever was visiting would just help assemble and it took months of visitors to complete. I remember her telling me the story of her reading a book about electricity and then completely wiring her entire attic of her house (and finishing it) because they needed more bedrooms. I remember the smell of her hosue, I remember exactly what it looked like, I remember thinking how in the world did she raise 5 children in such a small house with only ONE bathroom! I remember watching her care for my grandpa for YEARS when he was bedridden. She did it all by herself! I remember her bird "Buddy" she would let him fly around the house, and he could talk and I remember him saying "Damn it!" because my grandpa would always say that. I remember Thanksgiving meals at my grandma's table, we put ALL the leaves in to make it extra long, and it stuck out into the living room. We would all sit around and eat and talk and enjoy each other's company. Only now is when I realize how special these times were. I remember recieving a Cardnial's baseball schedule in the mail along with a little letter from her EVERY Spring. I am going to miss those letters from her! I remember that the last trip she took was to attend our wedding. I felt special knowing how much effort went in to having her attend our special day. I remember the nights I got to spend at her house, i remember her always having my favorite foods waiting for me. These are just a handful of the memories that I hold deep deep in my heart.
------------------------------------------
Here is my Dad with his beloved mother
My grandmother has always been an influential figure in my life. I can hardly put into words the kind of person she was. She had such a kind and gentle soul. She never spoke unkindly about anyone. She was ever so humble and thoughtful. She was the leader of our family, our source of inspiration of faith and love. And she was as sharp as a tack until the day she died, and lived alone without assistance until a few months before her death. I want this post to be a way I can remember and memorialize the woman I loved so dearly!
When we would venture up to St Louis which was between 3 and 6 times a year my top priority was visiting grandma. If the time frame would allow it I would visit as much as possible each trip. I enjoyed listening to her talk. We could sit there for hours just talking. She would catch me up on all the family who was where doing whatever. She was the center of the family!
I have known for, well, forever that she was going to eventually die. Its just a fact of life you live and you die. But it was strange when it became closer to the end, my brain could not understand what was happening, I couldnt imagine going to St Louis and not seeing her. I knew it was going to happen, but I learned that you can never be prepared for someone so close to you to die. It has been quite an experience not only for myself but for my family as well. When I say family I mean my brothers, sister, and parents, as well as my own little family, but also my entire extended family.
Back in August or September of last year my grandmother fell and broke her hip. She required surgery and hospitalization as well as extensive therapy afterwards. She took it much like she has everything in her life, just an obstacle she has to overcome. And she did! She got through therapy and was able to move back home. She spent her last Christmas surrounded by family in her own apartment, living (for the most part) on her own, with the help of nurses who would come and go, I believe 24 hours a day. Sadly I was not able to spend this precious time with her or the family. Then in January she fell again which landed her back in the hospital where more tests were run and they found cancer, colon cancer to be exact. My grandmother made her decision LONG ago that she did not want medical intervention when the time came for her. In fact, I clearly remember finding her letters stating this scattered throughout her house. I questioned her about them and even attempted to get rid of them a time or too. I didn't like the idea of my grandmother just "giving up". I was young and naïve, and looking back I see the reasoning behind her wishes. But it was hard at a young age to accept her wishes. I was shocked to hear that she agreed to the radiation treatment for her cancer, which by the way doctors had determined had been there for YEARS. So she underwent 2 rounds of radiation just days before her 95th birthday. After speaking with my cousin I learned some of the things she said to him prior to her treatment. My cousin was trying to calm her fears about the treatment when grandma said "I just don't know how they are going to radiate my butt?" my cousin said "well grandma I'm sure they've done it many times before and have figured out the best way." grandma said "I don't know what the treatment will entail" then she laughed and said "I didn't mean that, enTAIL!" she always had a sense of humor! Then my cousin said "grandma I want to make a deal with you. You pray for me while you are up in heaven and I will pray for you while I am down here." grandma agreed to the plan but told him "first I have to ask God a few questions." curiously my cousin asked what her questions could possibly be. My grandma said "I want to ask him what took so long and if he forgot about me!" my cousin chuckled and ensured her that God had a plan for her and there was NO WAY he could have forgotten about her. They went on to discuss what His plan could possibly be.
A few weeks ago my grandmother turned 95 on groundhogs day. I wanted to make the trip to see her for her BIG day, but I knew I couldn't do it alone. So my mom drove up with me and my dad went up a day early in his car and we were able to spend her birthday with her in the hospital. It was a special time, I got to talk with grandma, introduce her to her newest great grand daughter, and listen to what she had to say, and she had a lot to say! What I loved most was seeing how proud she was of Brynlee, she was introducing her to every nurse who came in, and telling them about Kaylee and Ainslee too, it was so sweet. Once again I learned one reason God gave me Brynlee, she has been a source of healing for my heart on more than one occasion. Grandma also told me her fears and the thing that stuck out in my mind was when she said "95 is too old, no one should HAVE to live that long." I didn't want her to have any regrets or fears. I wanted her to be at peace. Even though our trip was short (a mere 35 hours from leaving my moms driveway and arriving in ours), I was EVER so thankful to have spent that special day with my grandma. I was so thankful for all who made the trip possible too, my mom who rode with us in the car and my friend Lindley who not only offered up her house but also kept the big girls for me so I could go to the hospital by myself with out the distractions.
This past weekend we were scheduled to go BACK to St Louis for my mom's side family reunion. Instead of spending the majority of the time with that side of the family it ended up that we were able to spend it all with grandma and my dad's side. We were up at my grandma's nursing home (where she went after being discharged from the hospital) for a total of around 15 hours this weekend. And all three girls were there the entire time with us. At first I thought this would be an impossible feat, and when it was over and I looked back on how long we were actually there I couldnt believe it was that long. The girls were AMAZINGLY well behaved while we were there for hours at a time. I would get to sit by my grandmother's bedside and hold her hand and talk with her. Or when she was sleeping my family and I would sit in her room and just talk. It was so therapeutic and healing for my soul. There were MANY tears shed and stories told and it was an awesome experience. The adults took turns taking care of the SIX little girls (there were 6 girls under six all 2nd cousins once removed).
Grandma wasnt awake for much of the weekend but when she was awake, the memories that were made will stay with me for forever! After a very busy Saturday where there were lots of visitors grandma said to one of her children "please no more parties." Im sure she knew we were all there, and I cant imagine the feeling of knowing you have visitors but not being able to actually visit. I couldnt help but notice that our family was practically the only visitors in the nursing home, most of the people sat in their rooms by themselves, and I remember thinking how strong our family is and how we all wanted to be there for grandma, and the reason was because she made us that way! She was so special, and she brought us all together. With family around her until the moment she died, sometimes there were 15+ people there just to visit her! I just know she left this world understanding just how much she was loved!
Also, on Saturday my dad and his siblings were sitting around the room talking about recipes while my grandmother slept. One of my uncles starting telling this new pork chop recipe when my grandma woke up and started reciting a family pork chop recipe as clear as day. My aunt and uncles were amazed, it was like she was participating in the conversation too. Also, Saturday holds one of the most special moments I have ever shared with my grandma, I was telling her goodbye before I was leaving to go to the family reunion. I went over to her, kissed her forehead, grabbed her hand, and said "goodbye grandma, I will be back tomorrow." She opened her eyes, looked straight at me and said "NO! I want Michele and Marcus." She asked for us by name and wanted us to stay by her bedside. I broke down crying and sat there holding her hand. She would open her eyes every now and then and just look at me. She spoke some asking me quesitons and telling me things. I was so very emotional I dont remember a whole lot of what was said. I do remember her asking in fact begging me "Michele please please please take me home!" I knew what she meant, and I just wept, i wanted her pain to go away. And in that moment I realized that any moment could be her last, and I became fearful. I didnt want to leave her side but I was scared if the time came that I would be the one holding her hand, I didnt think my heart could handle that. So Marcus and i sat by her bedside just being with her. I have never had a feeling like that. While we were sitting there the girls would come and go. Kaylee was very concerned by my emotional state. She was hugging me, bringing me tissues, and rubbing my back. She spoke so softly and you could see the compassion pouring from her eyes. Then she turned to me and asked "can I hold great grandma's hand too?"
And she did, she sat there and rubbed her hand and talked to her. Grandma would open her eyes and look at her too. Kaylee grew up a LOT this past weekend. She showed wisdom and compassion well beyond her years. I would sit and watch her as she tried to figure out what exaclty was happening. I tried to talk with her in the best way I knew how. And she knew, she knew that something wasnt right, she knew that I needed her to behave, she knew that I needed to grieve, she knew that I needed to spend that time with my grandma even if it meant that I didnt pay much (if any) attention to her. And i am so thankful for my big girl, and I hope that one day she will understand what happened and how happy she made her mommy in a time of sadness. Then when Ainslee said "mommy that's not the same great grandma." That was the final straw for me. I had to leave the room for a few minutes to regroup myself.
I cant even begin to document all that went on this weekend, but I hope that those memories live in my heart until the day I go to meet my grandma again. There are so many memories that have come flooding back in the days since her death and through my tears I have tried to share these memories with the girls, who sit there staring at me while I tell my stories. What I remember most are the Easter breaks we spent at her house, hiding/hunting eggs in her yard. I remember at Christmas time I would always put on a performance singing Away in a Manger and actually when I visited grandma in the hospital for her birthday she recalled such memories and actually sang the song to me! I remember playing pool on her bumper pool table in her basement as well as putting giant 1000 piece puzzles together down there. The kind that whoever was visiting would just help assemble and it took months of visitors to complete. I remember her telling me the story of her reading a book about electricity and then completely wiring her entire attic of her house (and finishing it) because they needed more bedrooms. I remember the smell of her hosue, I remember exactly what it looked like, I remember thinking how in the world did she raise 5 children in such a small house with only ONE bathroom! I remember watching her care for my grandpa for YEARS when he was bedridden. She did it all by herself! I remember her bird "Buddy" she would let him fly around the house, and he could talk and I remember him saying "Damn it!" because my grandpa would always say that. I remember Thanksgiving meals at my grandma's table, we put ALL the leaves in to make it extra long, and it stuck out into the living room. We would all sit around and eat and talk and enjoy each other's company. Only now is when I realize how special these times were. I remember recieving a Cardnial's baseball schedule in the mail along with a little letter from her EVERY Spring. I am going to miss those letters from her! I remember that the last trip she took was to attend our wedding. I felt special knowing how much effort went in to having her attend our special day. I remember the nights I got to spend at her house, i remember her always having my favorite foods waiting for me. These are just a handful of the memories that I hold deep deep in my heart.
My grandmother was a wife, mother, grandmother, great grandmother, sister, aunt, great aunt, cousin, neighbor, and friend to many. She left behind all 5 of her children, 10 grandchildren, and 12 great grandchildren and went to join her beloved husband after being separated for 20 years.
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Here are some pictures of our family at past family reunions. Oooh how she will be missed dearly at them, especially this year!
This is my grandmother with her 5 children
notice the big "grizzly adam" looking one in the back?
He was one of the 1st to greet the girls and I when we went to visit grandma this weekend. I just knew Ainslee would be terrified of him, like she is of all my friends husbands. But to my surprise she went right with him from the very first moment she met him. She even sang and danced for him, and didnt show any signs of shyness. It blew my mind away how comfortable she was with all of my uncles!
Here is my grandma meeting each of my girls for the 1st time....
March 2007 - Kaylee
Summer 2007 - Kaylee at family reunion (2nd meeting)
Summer 2009 - Ainslee
Please ignore my naked baby, it was HOT! And the black eye on Kaylee was from running into a 2nd cousin while playing. This picture makes me look like a horrible mom!
February 2012 - Brynlee
Here is my Dad with his beloved mother
Me and grandma
My mom, sister, Aunt, grandma, me, and Kaylee
Grandma's apartment March 2009
Like my mom said
"she taught us how to live"
and I am a better person because of her!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day this year was quite an exciting day for us! I am typically NOT a fan of this "Hallmark Holiday". I feel like you should show the people you love how much you love them EVERYDAY, not some random day in February. And I especially dont like getting fresh cut flowers, i feel like they are just another thing I need to take care of and remember to feed and no matter how good I care for them they die in a matter of days. They are such a waste of money!
i had a not-so-typical day planned that included a visit to the pediatrician for ALL THREE girls. Kaylee needed her 2nd 5 year old shot, Ainslee needed her 3 year old check up, and Brynlee needed her 2 month check up and shots. But before we could get out the door, daddy came home with a few surprises for us. He brought me some lilies (he didnt get the memo the first 14 years we were together, about the fresh cut flowers wink), some chocolate and white chocolate covered strawberries, and 2 gluten free goodies from a local bakery. We were literally minutes away from walking out the door and I didnt really have time to enjoy all my goodies. The girls and I shared the strawberries and I asked him how I should store the gluten free treats to eat later (in the fridge or out on the counter). Thankfully he didnt know so I made him call the bakery and ask. The owner was SO relieved when he called because they had made a HUGE mistake and given him something that was NOT gluten free! Had I eaten one of the treats Icould would have gotten really sick! The owner urged him to return to the store for a replacement treat.
Marcus also wanted to get a picture of the girls wearing their Valentine's shirts. Ainslee wasnt being very cooperative, so I ended up having to be in the picture too. Here are all his girls......
Then off we were to the doctor. Let me just say I will NEVER schedule all three appointments at the same time if I have to go by myself. I didnt feel like I could ask questions, listen to answers, or even think straight during the mass craziness! But here are the results from the visit......
Brynlee---
12lbs 11oz which they said is the 29th percentile (I think this might be a mistake, I dont know many other nearly 13lb 2 month olds)
24in long which is the 95th percentile
24cm head circumference which is 19th percentile
She got one vaccination since she is on an alternative schedule, she cried for a few seconds until I picked her up. Overall she did great. The doctor was amazed by how much she was trying to "talk". She said she is growing perfectly, and we are going to continue the reflux meds for a little longer.
Ainslee---
34lbs which is the 80th percentile
37in long which is the 56th percentile
Ainslee seems to be in a weight growth spurt which has caused her BMI to be not exactly ideal (too high). The doctor doesnt seem concerned at this point but says it is something we are going to need to watch in the coming months/year. She really seems this is due to the fact that we caught her at the wrong time. Besides that she is perfect, as I already knew!
Kaylee---
47lbs
46.5in
She threw a massive fit when it was time for her shot. She has NEVER cried for her shots. Even as an infant she would fuss for a second (literally). She gets a shot EVERY week for the past 2.5 years and doesnt bat an eye! Her fit this time was so bad that they had to call in another nurse to help. It took 3 of us to hold her down. I dont know what had gotten into her. Besides that fiasco she was good at the doctor. Her fit did continue in the car so we had to skip our special lunch plans and go straight to Amma's for nap. I put her straight to bed with no lunch and she slept over 2 hours, which is unheard of these days.
My mom was headed out to run errands and I asked her to stop by the bakery to get me my free GF treat. She came back with not only 1 but 2 delicious treats!
i had a not-so-typical day planned that included a visit to the pediatrician for ALL THREE girls. Kaylee needed her 2nd 5 year old shot, Ainslee needed her 3 year old check up, and Brynlee needed her 2 month check up and shots. But before we could get out the door, daddy came home with a few surprises for us. He brought me some lilies (he didnt get the memo the first 14 years we were together, about the fresh cut flowers wink), some chocolate and white chocolate covered strawberries, and 2 gluten free goodies from a local bakery. We were literally minutes away from walking out the door and I didnt really have time to enjoy all my goodies. The girls and I shared the strawberries and I asked him how I should store the gluten free treats to eat later (in the fridge or out on the counter). Thankfully he didnt know so I made him call the bakery and ask. The owner was SO relieved when he called because they had made a HUGE mistake and given him something that was NOT gluten free! Had I eaten one of the treats I
Marcus also wanted to get a picture of the girls wearing their Valentine's shirts. Ainslee wasnt being very cooperative, so I ended up having to be in the picture too. Here are all his girls......
Then off we were to the doctor. Let me just say I will NEVER schedule all three appointments at the same time if I have to go by myself. I didnt feel like I could ask questions, listen to answers, or even think straight during the mass craziness! But here are the results from the visit......
Brynlee---
12lbs 11oz which they said is the 29th percentile (I think this might be a mistake, I dont know many other nearly 13lb 2 month olds)
24in long which is the 95th percentile
24cm head circumference which is 19th percentile
She got one vaccination since she is on an alternative schedule, she cried for a few seconds until I picked her up. Overall she did great. The doctor was amazed by how much she was trying to "talk". She said she is growing perfectly, and we are going to continue the reflux meds for a little longer.
Ainslee---
34lbs which is the 80th percentile
37in long which is the 56th percentile
Ainslee seems to be in a weight growth spurt which has caused her BMI to be not exactly ideal (too high). The doctor doesnt seem concerned at this point but says it is something we are going to need to watch in the coming months/year. She really seems this is due to the fact that we caught her at the wrong time. Besides that she is perfect, as I already knew!
Kaylee---
47lbs
46.5in
She threw a massive fit when it was time for her shot. She has NEVER cried for her shots. Even as an infant she would fuss for a second (literally). She gets a shot EVERY week for the past 2.5 years and doesnt bat an eye! Her fit this time was so bad that they had to call in another nurse to help. It took 3 of us to hold her down. I dont know what had gotten into her. Besides that fiasco she was good at the doctor. Her fit did continue in the car so we had to skip our special lunch plans and go straight to Amma's for nap. I put her straight to bed with no lunch and she slept over 2 hours, which is unheard of these days.
My mom was headed out to run errands and I asked her to stop by the bakery to get me my free GF treat. She came back with not only 1 but 2 delicious treats!
this was one of them, I'm not exactly sure what it was but it was DIVINE, the other was a slice of coconut cream cake that was so delicious too!
If I could eat gluten I swear i would weigh 500 pounds
I hope you all had a fantastic Valentine's Day!
Monday, February 13, 2012
Kaylee's New Room - phase one
Kaylee was scheduled to move upstairs by now, but my plans have not quite gone as planned! The walls are just now getting painted, i wanted to that have completed before Brynlee was born. And as I am painting the walls I am noticing problems with the dry wall. My dad has already been over three times to repair various spots, and I think he still has to come back a third time to finish up........what in the HELL would I ever do without the help and support from my parents?
Here are a few shots of the project so far.....
I still have to finish cutting in, then 2 coats with the roller. We are planning on purchasing her furniture with our tax return money and then she is moving up there. At first i was really nervous about moving her up there but now I CANT WAIT!!! The room she is currently in is right by the living room. She lays there each night and watches and listens to what we are doing. She trys not to fall asleep until we go to bed. She gets out of her bed just to see what we are doing. And it is so frustrating! When she goes upstairs I have grand plans of saying good night to her, sending her up, and then still being able to monitor her using the new fancy monitor I got; I can talk to her and watch her every move with it. I hope that her moving upstairs without distractions will help her sleep better at night. But somehow I think i am a bit crazy for having such high expectations......a girl can dream cant she?!?
Here are a few shots of the project so far.....
I bought and hung the blackout curtains that will hang behind her fancy schmancy curtains my mom is in the process of making right now. Once again what would I do without my parents?
Here is a shot of the color Purple Ice
This is one reason why I am NOT a professional painter!
Here is the dry wall repair. My dad told me I needed to put down an oil based primer (I cant remember the reason why, something about moisture) and he had some left over from his last project so I just used that.
I still have to finish cutting in, then 2 coats with the roller. We are planning on purchasing her furniture with our tax return money and then she is moving up there. At first i was really nervous about moving her up there but now I CANT WAIT!!! The room she is currently in is right by the living room. She lays there each night and watches and listens to what we are doing. She trys not to fall asleep until we go to bed. She gets out of her bed just to see what we are doing. And it is so frustrating! When she goes upstairs I have grand plans of saying good night to her, sending her up, and then still being able to monitor her using the new fancy monitor I got; I can talk to her and watch her every move with it. I hope that her moving upstairs without distractions will help her sleep better at night. But somehow I think i am a bit crazy for having such high expectations......a girl can dream cant she?!?
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Ainslee turns 3!
Ainslee turned 3! I cant believe it! She wanted to be a big girl like her big sister and get her ears pierced, so thats what we did. It did not go quite as smoothly as when we got Kaylee's pierced.
here is Kaylee modeling a hat she found in Claire's
Ainslee was so brave, she sat in that chair waiting and waiting soooo patiently
Here are her Cinderella stick on earrings she wore BEFORE she got her ears pierced
And here are the REAL ones
Warning......this video might make you cry
After we left Claire's and got in the car to drive to eat, Ainslee said "Mommy I'm so happy!" It was so sweet. She was in the back of the car playing with one of her play phones and she said to me "Mommy I cant talk on the phone anymore because I have my earrings in."
Here is the birthday girl at dinner sporting some cool shades while she inhales enjoys her soft taco.
CUPCAKES
We had a few problems with Ainslee's ear piercing experience, besides the fact that she didnt have quite the pleasurable experience as seen in the video. After the crying subsided we looked at her ears and noticed that she did not get the earrings we chose. We asked for the 3mm ball and received the 4mm ball. They said the only way to get the ones we wanted was to take them out and repierce. There was NO way I was going to put her through that again so we stuck with what we got! Then we went to pay and the girl wanted us to pay for the more expensive earrings that we didnt even want in the first place. I told them that we werent paying for the more expensive ones and they reluctantly agreed to let me pay for the ones we wanted. When the total rang up it was a WHOOPING 60 BUCKS!!! I couldnt believe it! They said that the prices just went up because gold prices went up. I decided not to argue anymore and just handle it later. So today I called to explain my problems to the customer service and I found out that we didnt even pay for the 3mm ball we paid for an even more expensive cubic zirconia one. UGH!!! So the lady agreed to refund me the difference and allow me to pay the "old" price which was the one that was posted on the earrings. She is refunding me the difference. Personally I thought she should do more than just refund me the difference, but that's all she said she would do.
The 4mm ball is growing on me every day, and im starting to like it. What i DONT like is how grown up my little girl looks with her ears pierced! Oh well I guess they cant stay little forever!
Overall she had a FANTASTIC birthday with family doing exactly what she wanted to do! We still have one birthday festivity to complete, but with our upcoming trip out if town we had to postpone it.......more on that later.
Happy Birthday BIG Girl!
You are my sweet, compassionate, caring, sensitive, loving, easy going, shy, little girl and mommy loves you just he way you are!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Changes in Attitudes - Kindness Day
In many ways I know that i am doing this whole "mommy thing" great! But there is one way that I have been failing them, Failing with a CAPITAL F! We dont speak kindly in our house. We talk too loud, on most occasions we dont ask we take, we lie, we talk back to adults, we take advantage of situations (in the wrong way), we dont respect each other, and most of all we just speak ugly. And I have had enough! I have wanted to do something about this for a LoooooONG time now, but until now it was all talk, no action. Today was that turning point. I have decided that today is the start of our new attitudes, a new beginning for our family. One that involves a whole lotta KINDNESS!!! And I think respect will soon follow, if we all just start being more kind to one another.
Today we started the morning off slowly, I wasnt expecting much today because I knew Ainslee was starting to get sick. So we took the morning slowly very slow! The girls played nicely while I took longer than normal to get Brynlee down for her nap, they listened to my directions and completed a school game together AND correctly with NO supervision and NO fighting.
And then I broke it to them, I announced that today was kindness day. I told them we were going to start speaking kindly to each other, that we were going to make kindness crowns, and we started reading a book about respect, Im still on the hunt for a good curriculum that helps teach values to preschoolers. I need something on their level, I want something with activities and games and even ideas to help give back to the community. I need it laid out for me, I dont have time to put these lessons together myself, I need the easy way out. So if you know of any good books/curriculum that help teach things like respect, honesty, dedication, fairness, trust, helping, etc please let me know. I did borrow a few books from my parents that we had when we were younger, but I fear they are a bit too advanced for them at this age.
Our day started by me reading a few pages from the RESPECT book I got from my parents, the girls listened, asked questions, and seemed interested. Then Brynlee interrupted us, and I took that opportunity for a stopping point, we will read more tomorrow. Then we proceeded with our school day as usual. I took each an every opportunity to praise them for speaking kindly, and point out to them how they could change what they said to be more kind. I didnt raise my voice one single time today, I didnt get upset or angry by their actions at all, we were able to get a lot accomplished and we worked together. There was a tangible peace surrounding us today and it was nice! I was AMAZED by the results I received! Our morning went so fantastic. There was no complaining, there was no talking back, there was a WHOLE lot of listening, and it was magical!
We made kindness crowns! We cut them out and decorated them with stickers, colors, do a dots, and glitter pens. After they dry we are going to wear them, and wear them proudly! Because we all deserve it.
The part that made me realize I needed to document this whole kindness day came when it was nap time. I got Ainslee down for her nap. Kaylee and I finished up a few things together (I usually let her stay up a little later than Ainslee) we finished her kindness crown, ate cookies we baked this morning, she sorted the laundry and put hers away while I tended to Brynlee. It was magical! Then when it was time for bed, she didnt throw a fit, she didnt jump up and down, she didnt protest, she listened and spoke in a normal tone. When she had something to say she spoke kindly, she asked if she wanted something other than what was being offered. When I laid Brynlee down on her bed so I could go and take Ainslee to the potty, I came back to Kaylee talking to her while she put away her clothes. She was saying things like "Look B I'm putting my pajamas in my pajama drawer." and "now I am putting away my purple shirt." She is so eager to teach Brynlee. It was so sweet. After I put Ainslee back into bed, I came back and found this scene
ok so back to my story, I come in and witness that and then inform Kaylee it is bed time. We give kisses, hugs, say goodnight, and that was that. No crying, no arguing, NO FITS! And she went to sleep immediately, which is almost unheard of these days. I was so happy I nearly cried! I realized in that moment I have truly been failing my kids. I thought about all the fights that have ensued, all the tears that have been shed, and all the negativity shared amongst our family and I realized that if we all just make a point to change we can ALL be so much happier!
Today we started the morning off slowly, I wasnt expecting much today because I knew Ainslee was starting to get sick. So we took the morning slowly very slow! The girls played nicely while I took longer than normal to get Brynlee down for her nap, they listened to my directions and completed a school game together AND correctly with NO supervision and NO fighting.
And then I broke it to them, I announced that today was kindness day. I told them we were going to start speaking kindly to each other, that we were going to make kindness crowns, and we started reading a book about respect, Im still on the hunt for a good curriculum that helps teach values to preschoolers. I need something on their level, I want something with activities and games and even ideas to help give back to the community. I need it laid out for me, I dont have time to put these lessons together myself, I need the easy way out. So if you know of any good books/curriculum that help teach things like respect, honesty, dedication, fairness, trust, helping, etc please let me know. I did borrow a few books from my parents that we had when we were younger, but I fear they are a bit too advanced for them at this age.
Our day started by me reading a few pages from the RESPECT book I got from my parents, the girls listened, asked questions, and seemed interested. Then Brynlee interrupted us, and I took that opportunity for a stopping point, we will read more tomorrow. Then we proceeded with our school day as usual. I took each an every opportunity to praise them for speaking kindly, and point out to them how they could change what they said to be more kind. I didnt raise my voice one single time today, I didnt get upset or angry by their actions at all, we were able to get a lot accomplished and we worked together. There was a tangible peace surrounding us today and it was nice! I was AMAZED by the results I received! Our morning went so fantastic. There was no complaining, there was no talking back, there was a WHOLE lot of listening, and it was magical!
We made kindness crowns! We cut them out and decorated them with stickers, colors, do a dots, and glitter pens. After they dry we are going to wear them, and wear them proudly! Because we all deserve it.
The part that made me realize I needed to document this whole kindness day came when it was nap time. I got Ainslee down for her nap. Kaylee and I finished up a few things together (I usually let her stay up a little later than Ainslee) we finished her kindness crown, ate cookies we baked this morning, she sorted the laundry and put hers away while I tended to Brynlee. It was magical! Then when it was time for bed, she didnt throw a fit, she didnt jump up and down, she didnt protest, she listened and spoke in a normal tone. When she had something to say she spoke kindly, she asked if she wanted something other than what was being offered. When I laid Brynlee down on her bed so I could go and take Ainslee to the potty, I came back to Kaylee talking to her while she put away her clothes. She was saying things like "Look B I'm putting my pajamas in my pajama drawer." and "now I am putting away my purple shirt." She is so eager to teach Brynlee. It was so sweet. After I put Ainslee back into bed, I came back and found this scene
I can not get over how much love Kaylee has for her little sister. I know that she loves Ainslee too, but the bond I see forming between Kaylee and Brynlee is nothing short of amazing and so incredibly special to watch. I wish I could capture more of the special moments I witness on camera.
check out the admiration in her face
ok so back to my story, I come in and witness that and then inform Kaylee it is bed time. We give kisses, hugs, say goodnight, and that was that. No crying, no arguing, NO FITS! And she went to sleep immediately, which is almost unheard of these days. I was so happy I nearly cried! I realized in that moment I have truly been failing my kids. I thought about all the fights that have ensued, all the tears that have been shed, and all the negativity shared amongst our family and I realized that if we all just make a point to change we can ALL be so much happier!
I couldnt believe how quickly I was able to see changes, and how drastically these changes affected our lives. We are calm, we are nice, we know that our voice will be heard without screaming and without fit throwing, and above all I think we are on the road to RESPECT! I learned that if I speak quieter it is more effective than when I yell. In the past I would say something, it would inevitably be ignored, so I in turn would say it louder and louder until I was angry and annoyed. And it didnt work, my new solution is to lower my voice, get the child's full attention, and speak kindly. I want to raise our children a certain way and one of the most important things to me is respect, respect for yourself AND respect for others. Here's to the beginning of the new Martinez family!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Comedy Central
Our day started by leaving the house based on a last minute decision on my part. I was trying to minimize the number of days spent going "into town". I hurried dressed, fed, pottyed (is that even a word?), packed up the girls and headed into town. When I got into the car I realized we might barely make it to a gas station. Thankfully we did, we pulled up to the pump on fumes! We then picked up my mom at her house and headed to get our shots first. We made it all the way to the door and realized they opened late that day so we were 2 1/2 hours early! I quickly changed our game plan and headed to the car while mom took Ainslee to the bathroom. I changed an "almost leaky diaper" (the almost part will become relevant later in the story) and we were on our way to eat lunch. We picked a place mom had coupons to and knew the girls would love, thankfully I had decided NOT to eat. as I sat in the booth attempting to nurse Brynlee she would pop off and my milk would continue to spray all over my shirt (also a key bit of info which will become relevant later). I finally resorted to holding her up on my shoulder, she was comfortable there and I could help with the big girls. Next thing I know I hear a sound coming from her backside. I lift up her dress to take a peak, thankfully I did because her excrements were bubbling out from the top of the diaper. In one quick moment mom suggested I stuff a napkin down to prevent the possible overflow. So I did and hurried out to the car to retrieve the changing supplies. I was surprised when I was able to salvage the outfit without a drop of poo on them. I attempted to nurse her again thinking that the reason why she kept popping off was because of her impending bowel movement. She refused again, I got cleaned up and removed the breastmilk stain from my shirt using a paper towel and a little water.
We get to the shot doctor and after getting our shots this nice lady was asking me about the girls so I chatted with her for about 5 minutes. Then I went to the bathroom and made a startling discovery, I had a HUGE milk stain on my shirt. All i could think of was I stood there and talked to that lady not even realizing that my boob was leaking. I attempted to "cover up" the problem. I wet down the stain (like I had done previously during lunch) and apparently became over zealous with the water which resulted in an extremely wet shirt. So then I tried drying said wet spot with the paper towels that were available to me which happened to be the brown kind. After I rubbed a few times I realized I was doing more harm than good, because now I have a huge wet spot with a brown stain. Since I had exhausted all other options I decided to just put a smile on my face and walk out with my arm awkwardly covering my boob. As I approach my mom she asks why I had my arm like that. I moved it to reveal my shirt and she laughed so hard she was nearly snorting! I explained the whole situation and we laughed together (at this point what else could we do?) oh then she asked "you don't pack a change of clothes for you in the diaper bag do you?" UM NO, but I sure am going to throw an extra shirt in the car now! I decided to take brynlee to an available room to nurse her and change her diaper. As I'm nursing you can only guess what happened..........she started pooing again! I hesitated to look but knew I had to see. And guess what? The diaper was about to fail again! It was just about to come out and ruin another outfit, I laid her down to change her and realized that I had used my last diaper in the bag. I knew I had more in the car (my backup stash) but I couldn't go get them. So thankfully my mom agreed to go get one. We technically had 8 more minutes to wait to get our arms checked but I looked at my mom and said "we're leaving!" I had had enough excitement and was ready to move on. We made our way back to her house and then to get our hair cut at a friends house and finally home without anymore problems. I got the big girls fed and in bed within 40 minutes of being home and I plopped down on the couch, took a deep breathe, and just had a minute to myself to process what had all happened. I'm telling you even as I type this I'm thinking there is no way I could even make this stuff up! That was really my day! I am so thankful my mom was with me to help out and laugh with me!
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