Brynlee -- the aftermath

Ive said it before that this has been the easiest recovery out of my 3 girls.  I feel the need to clarify that when I say that I mean physically the easiest. This birth has taken a toll on me emotionally way more than the others. I'm not sure if it is a 3rd child thing or due to the circumstances surrounding her birth but for some reason things are different this time. While in the hospital, marcus would leave us to go get something to eat or bring us back food, I would experience this over whelming sadness. So much so I'd begin to cry uncontrollably until he returned. I wasn't even sure why I was crying at first, especially considering I typically LOVE being alone! It was nice to have visitors to help "distract" me from my sadness.

I have to say a HUGE thank you to everyone for the phone calls, emails, texts, Facebook messages, and those of you that were able to come visit us in the hospital. It was so nice to share our newest addition with those closest to us! You really made this time special!

Thoughts kept racing through my head, everytime I closed my eyes I would relive my crazy labor and traumatic delivery. At first I didn't think her delivery was traumatic and still to this day I have trouble referring to it using that word but it was really traumatic.

this is the 1st picture we have of her, we didnt even have the camera in the delivery room this is from Marcus' phone

And I think that is one of the reasons I feel differently this time. I am trying to work through the sadness but at times it seems overwhelming, i cant even explain it because my thoughts arent even rational. I know everything is ok and I KNOW i have a beautiful baby girl and a beautiful family and a husband that loves me and everything else, but it doesnt take away how I feel.

Brynlee slept in her bassinet at the hospital one night (her 1st night) for 5 hours straight at night but besides that she refused to be separated from me. She wanted to be as close to crawling back inside me as possible. And I was ok with that! I actually soaked every second of that in. I LET her sleep in the bed with me and we both slept well. With Kaylee and Ainslee I tried the whole cosleeping thing and couldn't do it. No one would get any rest they couldn't sleep with me/us just as much as I/we couldn't sleep when they were in the bed. I think total between the two of them they slept in our bed a handful of times and only for a couple hours at a time NEVER the whole night! But this time is different.

I WANT her in the bed just as much as I think she wants to be close to me! She has slept with me every night except that one time in the hospital, she has yet to sleep in her bassinet at home. I have tried.........maybe I could try harder, but I don't want to, im content with her being next to me. It is what feels right and it is what works for right now. If things change we will adapt our plan but for now we are cosleeping and it is going good. I've never been completely against cosleeping and I've never judged those who did it, but before now I wasn't able to do it. I thought differently about it then than i do now. Brynlee has opened my eyes and made me think about alternative parenting styles. And I am content and happy with where we are. I am looking forward to the days and even the nights ahead. I know that they wont all be easy, but I have learned and seen with my own eyes that they grow fast I we need to soak in each and every minute we are given.

The big sisters have a constant eye on Brynlee. They alert me the 1st sign of any problems

So for now I am offically a cosleeping momma, and proud of it!

Sunday was my first time alone with all 3 girls during the day, Monday was my first night alone with them, and Tuesday was my first outing with them. Things move much quicker as the children pile on. I hope I am able to survive this crazy week!

8 days old

Her appointment yesterday went fantastic, she weighs a whooping 8lbs 6oz and the doc says she is doing so good that we can skip our 2 week checkup. I asked if we could still get a weigh in, so we decided to do an outpatient appointment for next week, just to check weight.